Leprechauns to Lord & Taylor

Leprechauns are tiny, magical Irishmen who horde gold and, when the gold supply runs out, shave off their bitchin' beards and sell breakfast cereal. According to legends, if you happen to catch one who hasn't sold out to the breakfast industry yet, he will show you the location of his gold. Or rather he will lie to you blatantly about the location, amount or reality of his gold, then laugh at you when you completely fail to steal it from him. Then he'll disappear in a puff of smoke and go down a six of Guinness while telling all his tiny, magical leprechaun friends what a useless asshole you are. Leprechauns are tricky bastards.
You'll notice I've used male pronouns throughout when referring to leprechauns, and also assumed that they all have beards, which is generally a male sort of thing to have. This is because I have never in my life heard of a female leprechaun, except in a made for T.V. movie that was so insane it may actually have been an unusually long and detailed hallucination. If you google leprechaun, you'll mostly find pictures of males. However, there is one picture of a woman in a leprechaun costume, which I really hope is intended for Halloween use only (but the included "Kiss Me, I'm Irish" panties suggest a terrible alternative.) Although they don't make this leprechaun costume (Honestly, who came up with "sexy leprechaun" as a costume idea? For that matter, who came up with "sexy leprechaun" as an idea that did not generate nightmares?), Lord & Taylor do make women's clothes. According to their website, the exact term for what they make is "women's apparel." One flavor of apparel purveyed by Lord & Taylor is the romper. The romper in itself is sort of fun, really, but Lord & Taylor has taken it a step too far by selling them in black, and thus suggesting that there could be such a thing as a formal romper. A cocktail romper, if you will. This leaps gracefully over fun and goes straight to disturbing. This suggests that, at some time in my life, I will be happily romping through cocktails and run across a person who has taken the romping a little too much to heart. I will have to network with someone wearing a onesie with a belt on it and really, honestly take that person seriously. This is a recipe for social seppuku, because after a few cocktails there is no way I could hold it together in the face of a formal romper. Just by making this garment, Lord & Taylor, much like leprechauns, are deviously tricking the universe at large. Only when they laugh at you, they drink appletinis.

Disco to The Danube