Braveheart to Breakdancing

I'm going to admit to a moment of cultural illiteracy and tell you that I spent the entirety of "Braveheart" doing watercolors, eating jelly squares, occasionally dozing off (jelly squares are very soothing) and awaking to find that yes, Mel Gibson was still painted blue, celtic music was still playing, and half-naked, very hairy men were throwing themselves across vast, green expanses in order to illustrate visual the concept of liberation from tyranny. Or something like that. I don't know, I was doing watercolors.
The things I know about "Braveheart", in no particular order, are: 1) William Wallace was a badass who fought for Scottish independence with the vigor of Chuck Norris and Mr. T's musclebound somehow gaelic lovechild. 2.) Mel Gibson is, to put it lightly, a bit of an asshat. 3.) They got the costumes wrong. "Braveheart" is set in 13th and 14th century Scotland, and the Scottish characters are wearing kilts. That's all well and good unless you take into account that kilts didn't exist until the end of the sixteenth century. But maybe this was an artistically based decision. After all, nothing says "freedom" quite like a kilt.
But back to point one: William Wallace was a registered badass, and the English forces he and the other Scottish freedom fighters were up against did not really appreciate this. To illustrate their lack of appreciation, they had him drawn and quartered.
Being drawn and quartered is one of two things that I can think of that are worse than the soy hotdogs they serve in the dining hall. (You know the ones. Floating in their warming tray they look like soulless, eyeless fish that have never seen the light of day or felt the slightest tingle of anything resembling joy. Eating them tastes like guilt, shame and loneliness. Also, not at all like hotdogs.) When someone was hanged, drawn and quartered-the usual punishment for high treason in Wallace's time- they were hanged, obviously, then also emasculated-just for the gentlemen, obviously. Ladies generally weren't drawn and quartered because of concerns for what Wikipedia hilariously refers to as "decency", so no one ever had to face that embarrassing moment of how to get around step two-, disemboweled and beheaded before being chopped into four pieces. Technically I guess they ended up in eight, counting from the first point at which bits start getting lopped off, but no matter how many pieces a person ended up in by the time the process was over they were about as dead as someone can get and had not had a good time getting there.
Now this is where I get into the assumption zone because (thankfully) I actually don't know that much about 13th century torture. I'm assuming that the four pieces would each have one limb still attached. Now this had better be close to true, because it's vital to connecting in to the concept that breakdancing uses all your limbs! Also, I would probably end up in that many pieces if I attempted to breakdance, but that's another issue for another day. Till then, the most difficult thing I'm facing is soy hotdogs.

Percy Shelley to Post Secret