The moon is mad popular these days. You've noticed it, I'm sure: people make awesome sci-fi movies about it, blame crop circles on it, make terrifying spray paint art about it (more on my fear of oversized planets to come in a future blog post, probably), and even convince themselves that it's cool to wear one of the most tasteless items of clothing known to mankind because of it:
That's right, even our president has been sucked into moon mania.
I don't know if this is fact, but at least in my opinion it seems about right: this "moon mania" started back in 1969 when, for the first time ever, mankind stepped foot on the moon. Not all of mankind I mean, that would've been crowded. Just two men. On July 20, 1969, in the same year that David Bowie appropriately released "Space Oddity" and Denmark legalized the sale of porn (unrelated, hopefully), Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin hopped in a spacecraft, flew around the earth for a bit, landed on the moon, and then walked on it. Since then, the world has gone batshit for the moon.
There really is an incalculable amount of love for the moon on this planet. Pink Floyd wrote a pretty famous song about the dark side of it, the singing hamster-potato-alien things from the Quiznos commercials wrote a song about how much they love it (youtube "we like the moon" of you have no idea what I'm talking about. You're welcome.), poets and musicians have written romantic verses about it, and Wallace and Gromit loved it so much they went on a holiday to it. Seriously, google search for "The Moon" and you'll get about 309 million hits.
This poses the question: who in their right mind doesn't love the moon?!??
...Me. I hate the moon.
The moon causes bad things to happen more than... well... anything else that causes bad things to happen (sorry, I can't think of a good example. Because the moon is the only example). Where to begin? The position of the moon affects the tides, which is great for fishermen because hey, fish. But when the moon screws up even the tiniest bit, really, REALLY bad shit happens. Like tsunamis. And jellyfish infestations. What else? The moon is what causes regular people to turn into werewolves (sure, it's a fictional thing. OR IS IT?). Werewolves and other fictional evil things inspired the Twilight series, which there is absolutely no excuse for. Then there's that whole "moon cycle" thing that women get, and speaking for womankind I think it's safe to say that we all could really do without it from time to time. You see? The moon is evil, and I hate it.
How does this relate to Marmite, you ask? Well, the marketing slogan for the British food spread is "Love it or hate it." Because if you have tastebuds and are not British, you'll know that Marmite is well gross. I've never tasted it, but on wikipedia it says that it's a "sticky, dark brown paste with a distinctive, powerful flavor which is extremely salty," and that's enough for me to make a snap judgement that the stuff is gross. Maybe one day I'll try a taste of it and change my mind, but for now I'll stick to hating it about as much as I hate the moon.
And finally, to tie it all together, here's a musical about the moon landing written by some British dude who probably smothers everything he eats in Marmite: "Moon Landing"
Next post: Herpes to Harpies.
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