Axolotls to Aviation

When approaching this post, one question leaps instantly to mind like a long-legged, intellectual gazelle: What in the name of fuck is an Axolotl?
If this question did not leap instantly to your mind than 1) Your knowledge of creatures with ridiculous names both exceeds mine and is verging on the encyclopedic and 2)You will have no appreciation for the next paragraph or two, or the aggressive googling that is going to occur before said paragraphs can come into being. You may want to take this moment to go and browse some science websites, or invent teleportation, or make a ham sandwich that can cry like an infant. In short, go do whatever it is that people who know what axolotls are do for a moment. I'll be back with you shortly.
Okay. Everybody else unclear on what this badboy is?
PREPARE TO BE CLARIFIED.
It's this.

Okay. You're struggling with some feelings. Let's take a moment.
First of all, release the stricken cry of momentary horror you've been holding in. Those first few seconds alone with the Axolotl were difficult for both of us. Now let's move on to the creeping, terrible feeling that it might be adorable. Yes, it looks like an aquatic, mutant carrot. Yes, its eyes look like they're painted on, and the protrusions on the side of its head look like it's become one with an unholy anemone. But look, it's smiling! Awwww! Look at the sweet little dream-raping monster!
See, I say little because that one is a baby. This is what they look like in large:

It hurped so hard it derped. Seriously, what IS that? What cruel and unfeeling god crossed a penis with a stalk of broccoli? H.P. Lovecraft couldn't stand to be alone with that thing. Damn it, Axolotl, you simply should not be! Nothing is right about you, NOTHING! That is why you look so sad, damn you. BECAUSE YOU ARE THE CREATURE GOD FORGOT!

Ahem.

Now that we've crossed the mind-searing Rubicon of its appearance, let's learn something about it.
According to Wikipedia (don't go, you'll have to look at the green one again) Axolotls come straight from hell from the lake underlying Mexico City. They belong to the Tiger Salamander complex, and have the horrifying but incredibly useful ability to re-grow body parts. This means that they are used heavily in scientific research and could be immensely beneficial to mankind, and that if there was ever a nuclear incident that caused them to grow to enormous size and attack cities we could never, ever defeat them. They are nearing extinction, either because of pollution in their habitat or because of a healthy self-preservation instinct inherent in anyone who's ever seen one.
Apparently, some people keep them as pets. Probably these people are necromancers and/or Norman Bates, but that is neither here nor there. In Japan (who didn't see THAT coming) they are sold under the deceptively adorable name "wooper looper".
... right.
Everyone who already knew about this particular brand of nightmare, please come back now. And then explain to me why the hell you didn't WARN me about that?
Anyway, where's the connection between these guys and aviation. Well, I believe this takes us back to the nuclear incident scenario.
Were there to be, by some horrible catastrophe, a situation in which even one of these things grew to enormous size and started Godzilla-ing around Mexico, anyone within a thousand mile radius would be wanting some serious aviation to be taking place. Aviation that preferably had some heavy artillery attached. I'm normally a pacifist, but were there to be an abundance of brocolli wangs the size of aircraft carriers invading from a subterranean lake, I think I just might be able to see a situation in which aviation-based violence might be required.
So there you have it: axolotls to aviation.
And when it comes to Axolotls, children, remember: what has been seen cannot be unseen.

Next post: Hallucinations to the Hubble Space Telescope.